On self-respect

"To assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free ourselves from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves--there lies the the great, the singular power of self-respect."

-- Joan Didion from Slouching Towards Bethlehem.

I am going to read this essay again because I'm not sure if it sank in enough, so I could allow myself to fully digest it. It sounds good, and I like it.

Yes, I do have dignity, and no one can take that away from me. Not my father, mother, brother, sister, or gandmother, nor you. Esteem for my dignity? It's difficult because it's new. I was not born into this idea; I have to become it. It's like Donne's poetry because it takes conscious work. I can understand Donne, and so, I can do the conscious work of self-respect. I can jump off this rollercoaster and not be afraid of dying. I may have to die again in order to live. I say die again because I have already died many deaths, and to die metaphorically in order to live takes place every day of my life. It's hard to articulate these deaths. But to feel free to die, to break off these chains of emotional panic and threat, is to live. That is my self-respect.