Exercise # 2 After Scenario

This is my after scenario: what I would do if I had perfect emotional management skills.

Well, let's see. The anxiety over my school work. I need to get a plan with regards to doing my work.

I can do these things:


[I'll be back TODAY soon]

Exercise # 2 Before Scenario

#1 Scenario

One thing that really bothers me and impedes my growth is my anxiety over doing my schoolwork and other life tasks. No matter how much I know I am smart and capable, my anxiety says I can't do it right, whatever right means.

Typical Scenario:

I am given an assignment and put it off till the day before it's due. Then, the day before it's due, I obsess and obsess about doing it, but feel I cannot. I not exactly sue why this pattern keeps repeating itself. I think I am anxious about failing and also, succeeding. But, my mind tells me I usually don't fail 95% of the time I put my mind into my work. The anxiety keeps me from putting my mind to my work. And so, I put it off until I can must up enough courage to do it, or just let it go and fail or drop the class.

This is a self-defeating behavior pattern--what can I do about it?

I get afraid of not being able to focus right when I do my work. I have tried to do my work, but just sit in front of the computer for an hour or so and nothing comes out of my brain that seems right.

Right now, I am writing and my thoughts are clear. Why does it get so bad when I do a paper?

Shedding my old skin

I'm going to molt my old skin and grow some new skin. I need to really take care of myself, so I can be happy and grow emotionally. I feel like I have the emotional regulation skills of a 2 year old. I need to learn distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotional regulation, and interpersonal skills. One thing at a time. Step by step.

So, I figure Distress Tolerance is the first thing to work on. Remember the mantra--distract, relax, cope when I feel overwhelmed--too overwhelmed.

General Simple Distraction List:

1. Drink Water Slowly
2. Deep Breathing through the nose to the diaphram
3. Eat something mindfully like fruit
4. Take a walk mindfully
5. Read something funny--get some funny, not-too-serious-books. _The Happy Pig_
6. Sing a Song- "Wheels on the Bus." "Lion Sleeps Tonight."
7. Listen to the classical music on my Ipod--Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin
8. Doodle (especially with your left hand)
9. Read the 10 things that are good about you list.
10. Get colored pencils and color a picture.
11. Look at you photo of you, Kel, and Jeff
12. Dance to fun music.

Can I ever be helped?

I am sinking further into horrible depression. I am not sure what to do, but then I never know what to do when I feel this shitty. I feel dead, really. And I worry I'll never be okay. I'll never be happy.

I don't know how I got here or where I am. All of my past seems distant, cold, and negative. I feel like I'll never amount to anything.

Now, I am locked in a horrible trance of thought. I just imagined myself out on the streets, homeless, and shivering cold. And alone. I don't want to be literally homeless and alone. If I do end up homeless, I hope it's with someone else.

You know I have to do something right now. I have to go to social services website and look up the information for PAC, a health insurance program for low-income people.

So, audios.